Why I'll Miss My Low-Cost Doctor

Before I got my new job last month, I had no health insurance. For 2 1/2 years I've been visiting a Ukrainian clinic in Glendale for all my health concerns. The first visit was $35. Each additional visit, for life, is $20. That $20 includes seeing a doctor and all prescriptions you need that are available in their own small pharmacy.

I have no idea how they pull this off, but needless to say I was very grateful. Everytime I went they would provide me with a 60-day supply of Singulair, my asthma medication. If I bought a 60-day supply of Singulair at Rite Aid with no insurance, it would cost about $150.

Though the chemical composition of the prescriptions seemed to be standard, the competence and decorum of the doctors was most certainly not. That said, I will never forget my low-cost doctor. Here are thirteen reasons why:

1) Her name is Dr. Linsay Van Litz and she always reminded me to call her simply, "Litz"

2) She seems really immature.

3) When I say "I'm here for Dr. Van Litz," the receptionist will invariably roll her eyes and say something that sounds sarcastic and derogatory, in Ukrainian, to whomever is in the immediate vicinity.

4) Lint always says: "You must be a weirdo, cuz I only remember the weird ones."

5) Despite my protests, she took my temperature anally because: "It's more accurate."

6) Her smile is so nice.

7) Once she took my blood pressure. It took her 4 tries to get a reading, then she said it was really low. I asked "Is that something to be concerned about?" She replied: "Well its not necessarily a bad thing...but then again I wouldn't want my blood pressure to be that low."

8) All the other doctors, nurses, receptionists, pharmacists, and most of the patients are Ukrainian and all speak to each other in Ukrainian. Litz doesn't speak a word of Ukrainian and remarked once, "These Ukrainians have really bad style, huh?"

9) Last time, she weighed me right out of the waiting room with my coat, sweatshirt, a t-shirt, jeans and shoes on...when before getting on the scale I offered to remove some layers she said, "Dude, you're worse than the girls."

10) She flirts with me.

11) I've seen no proof that she's a real doctor.

12) When I called one morning the receptionist said there was no appointment before 4:30 p.m., so I asked to speak to Dr. Van Litz. Lint said "Nah, come in whenever you want."

13) She once said my infection was viral, then prescribed me antibiotics.